A Lack of Control

I feel so frustrated. I know that once something of my Mom's leaves our possession, I no longer have control over it. It's not mine -- it's not my Mom's. But it is so hard for me to know that something of my Mom's has been misplaced. The particular piece that's been misplaced is something I gave to my Mom, and letting go of it was REALLY hard for me. Rationally, I know it wasn't done on purpose. The irrational side of me, however, is so mad. It was really hard for me to let go of this piece. And yes, I'm aware that I am upset over a thing. A stupid thing. And it's not the things that matter. I KNOW THIS. And yet, I'm still so upset. Part of me feels like, okay, this is the only important thing I ever gave my Mom. And I felt like I had to let it go, because I should have seen it, and chosen it for myself. I wish I could explain the way I feel. All of my words feel hollow. But the thing is--this hurts me. It makes me angry. All I have left of my Mom are things and memories. Recognizing that is so hard. Knowing that I can't ever communicate with her again is hard. And her things . . . it's stupid, but that's how I feel closer to her. All of these feeling over stupid possessions. Ugh!