Monday, May 14, 2012

A Bad Day


I miss my mom so much. Her death has changed not just my life, but my entire family. Nothing is the same and I don't know how to navigate this new world.  I don't know how to figure out how to go on. Some days I just want to erase all my memories. Everything. Wipe the mind clean and start over. And then I think about how my mom shaped who I am. And I don't know why she isn't here anymore. I don't know why I couldn't help her. And I don't understand how she could leave all of us.

I'm worried about my Dad. I'm worried about my brother. And I'm worried about me. I feel like I need to be stronger and take care of things, but I don't feel like I can. I'm overwhelmed. I feel like a failure. And worst of all, I feel weak. I wish I had someone to lean on, but I don't. And not having that makes me feel insecure, and wanting it makes me feel weak. I feel like I have to take care of everything. And I don't know how. I don't know where to start and I know I need help. But who do you ask for help? 

No comments:

Post a Comment